Out of the Mouthes of Babes…

My husband and I were just engaged in an absolutely inane, but as absolutely amusing argument about the new television show, Flash-Forward. We neither one really care much about what’s going to happen next, we have already debated ¾ of the show and missed most the details anyway. However, it’s the only show we have run into lately, that we never do quite know who’s right (at least not yet) so we are having a blast with it. Not having a better argument, I pulled out my best Judge Judy and enunciated, rather loudly, I admit, “IF IT DOESN’T make sense, IT ISN’T TRUE.” I type that LOUD because she is loud, but anywho…

In comes Conner. He is a great kid, but has the perfected the art of dissension. We can’t figure out where he got that. The difference is two-fold; he is 16 while we’re not and we laugh our way through our “discussions”. He has a deadpan delivery and flair for the taciturn that has earned him the nickname, Lifesucker. He has one word for us both on the whole subject “Bullshit!” He shakes his head and walks away. I laughed. I’m used to being harassed by him. According to him I haven’t done a thing right since 1996 when I enrolled him in full day Pre-k. Then it hit me. With all due respect to the honorable judge and God help us all.  He is completely right.

Illegal drug manufacturers have found ways of using over the counter drugs for evil. In an effort to control the massive purchase of these potentially “bad” medicines, the state decided to keep track of who was buying them. If my nose is running I have to present my drivers license and fill out the tracking sheet under Pharmacist supervision. This takes about 30 minutes and includes finger printing your first born son, so don’t leave home without him. Last time I checked there are pretty much two types of people, those who at least try to follow the rules and those who don’t. Those who don’t are commonly referred to as “Bad Guys”. They are not good. This means they have plenty of time to stock up on illicit cold medicine while the rest of us are standing in line. They are also the same folks packing Uzi’s while the rest of us are waiting on the background checks for our mace. Please note, purchasing enough Sudafed to medicate a family of 12 in allergy season can and will result in an investigation.

Generally speaking the more involved the government is the more confused I am. I think we should let non-seatbelt wearers be the victims of natural selection they were intended to be. The government (I think, I am still confused) sees it as a blatant disregard for our own lives and penalizes us for our own good. But if this is such a grievous infraction, why is the fine only slightly higher than poor parking and way lower than littering? I am thinking of relocating to St. Croix in the beautiful US Virgin Islands. Down there they still enforce the seatbelt law, but the ticket comes with an umbrella drink and the officers don’t care if you have a Bud Light in your drink holder. On second thought maybe that is a law that makes sense. If a bunch of drunks want to cruise around and kill each other they should definitely be wearing their seatbelts.

Why does it cost more to buy groceries that are organic, fatfree, sugar free or low sodium? This is what we are supposed to be eating, but we get charged more to buy less. If they tax all the bad habits, like alcohol, cigarettes and gasoline shouldn’t they tax these dietary no-no’s?! Oh geez, I take that back, I think I just gave the Governor another great source of revenue from a state hugely populated by the unemployed and underemployed. Speaking of which, didn’t I hear the recession is over?

I don’t know if my son was being his usual smartass self, or having a profound moment. I can’t ask because he has special permission to go to the midnight opening of Where the Wild Things Are. That would have made no sense in my 16-year-old world, but it’s true. I have seen the bloodshed over and over that proves children would rather spend 2 hours arguing over whose turn it is to do the dishes than spend 15 minutes actually doing them. My niece was just informed that creativity was not allowed in her art class and if she tried it again she would receive an F.

I could go on for pages about all the examples that we have all already heard and are horrified about. Things in this world are so out of whack, that our President, for whom I accord all due respect, has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Not for what he has done, but for the HOPE of what is to be. I’m with Conner…

If it doesn’t make sense it isn’t true?


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About Alex

I am a 41-year-old survivor. A mother of four and stepmother of 5 neither a 13 year failed marriage or a 7-year successful one have taken me out. The children aged 10 to 22 wage their battles on my sanity, but at the last summit, it was decided that I am still winning that war. The world in general (bureaucracy, stupidity, intolerance, greed, lack of manners, bad customer service, and anyone who is just plain mean) threatens my equilibrium but I make a come back every time. I am not particularly strong, determined or religious (although, I do TRY to keep the faith) but I can take a joke especially, it turns out, if it is on me. I am born and bred a Hoosier, but have lived in New Hampshire and Connecticut long enough to find out it was time to come home to Fort Wayne. We may have been voted fattest and dumbest city in America, but our flaws become us and we are content here